


the small matter of possibly eternity

by WingsOfTime



Series: rakey boi <3 [4]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Relationship Discussions, rest of the cast in bg, set during a hypothetical "afterparty"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 23:23:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18838876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsOfTime/pseuds/WingsOfTime
Summary: Xoti has questions about the Watcher and Aloth's relationship. Thankfully, they have answers. Probably.





	the small matter of possibly eternity

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone has any ideas for a good pun involving the words "pillars of eternity" for the title, i'm all ears

The _Afterparty._ Even in thoughts the event deserves emphasis, apparently. The way Edér had said it, obnoxious wink and all, certainly seemed to indicate so. Rake had stared at him like the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, and then Aloth had had to watch with a growing mental headache as he warmed to the idea.

It wasn’t as if Aloth’s own mind had immediately jumped to the celebration they had had six years ago, of course. Nor their reluctant parting and the way he had felt so strangely lost and heavy afterwards, like a stone dropped down the bottom of a well.

Of course.

But it turns out that this was, he is somewhat reluctant to admit, a good idea. Some members of their group have clearly never done something like this before, while others are very much at home, being raucous and rowdy and overall behaving exactly like the kind of hooligans who would plot to steal a ghost ship from pirates and sail to a long-coveted promised land none of them planned on keeping.

Aloth finds himself smiling at the thought.

He’s settled himself at a small table near the back of the tavern, content to simply observe and smile at Rake whenever he glances over. That action is almost involuntary; it is effortless to evoke a feeling of gentle fondness when his face is lit up like that.

Rake himself is keeping busy, going around and chatting with everybody he can. Edér is teaching Rekke things involving ale barrels and handstands that he should probably never learn, and everyone else is similarly occupied with making fools out of themselves, having a good time, or doing either one whilst getting increasingly inebriated.

Aloth's fingers twitch against the table. He has never been one for letting himself indulge to such an extreme. Loss of control to that degree is… a distasteful idea to him, to say the least. Even if Iselmyr and he have learned to coexist—and perhaps even get along, gods forbid—more effectively, he finds he cannot quite brush off old instincts. Besides, he has a strong suspicion that the moment his lips even touch alcohol, Iselmyr will take it upon herself to deliver a loud and heartfelt speech on his behalf from the top of table to the entire room.

_If ye ettle at raucy talkins, I kin only commit tae helpin’ ye, lad._

Aloth half-rolls his eyes out of habit, stopping when he notices someone approach from his peripheral. He glances over to see Xoti, hood down around her shoulders and hair partly up, twiddling her fingers. She smiles when she catches his gaze, quickening her stride.

Xoti is one of the people who doesn’t quite seem to know what to do with herself; an odd thought any other time, considering her outgoing nature. But Aloth finds himself wondering whether it is because of the party itself, or if her feelings are similar to his own six years prior.

He gently smiles back. Xoti’s eyes twinkle, and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before pulling back a seat.

“Hey Aloth,” she drawls, plopping into it. “Whatcha up to?”

“I am watching everyone slowly drink themselves into fools,” Aloth returns in a similar turn of voice. He winks at her—an impulsive movement compelled from the energy of the party. “Seeing as some of them began with quite a head start, it shouldn’t take too long.”

Xoti laughs; a hearty but giggly noise. Aloth flash her a small smile in response.

“Yeah…” Xoti twirls the same piece of hair around her finger. “I think I’ll wait a little bit before indulgin’. Wanted to talk to you, actually, if that’s alright.”

It depends on the subject matter, but Aloth is feeling generous. “Of course,” he says, leaning forwards and folding his hands on the table. “What about?”

Xoti purses her lips. She casts a glance back at the room and then wrinkles her nose, scratching it.

“About, uh, you and Rake, if ya don’t mind,” she says. “Your, uh, relationship?”

“O-oh.” Aloth can feel his ears warm. But he has nothing to be embarrassed about, save the memory of that unfortunate time months ago he’d observed an awkward moment between the two—possibly three—of them. “I… suppose that’s alright. Just nothing… weird, okay?”

“Gotcha.” Xoti winks. “So…” She shifts in her seat, rocking her lantern between her fingers. “How’d you an’ him… well, start? Hope you don't mind me sayin’, but y'all seemed to be already halfway there when I met ya."

"Looking for advice?" Aloth asks wryly, casting a glance at Maia. She seems to be having a rather loud drinking competition with Serafen—involving... his blunderbuss? Oh my.

Xoti’s cheeks colour. “Maybe,” she says. “What’s it to you?”

Aloth chuckles. Ah, the defensiveness of youth. “Nothing, Xoti,” he reassures. “I would gladly support your endeavours, as awkwardly earnest as they might be. Besides, I think she finds it endearing.”

“Ya… ya think?” Xoti looks eager for a moment before she squints at him. “Hey! You’re avoiding my question.”

Aloth sighs, steepling his fingers together. “Not avoiding,” he says. “Simply thinking about how to respond. To tell you the truth, I… don’t quite know.” He frowns, thinking back to their days traipsing around the Dyrwoodan wilderness. “You say we were already halfway there, but our relationship wasn’t… there was nothing announced, between us.”

“Doesn’t have to be announced,” Xoti says sagely. “Doesn’t have to be nothin’ to do with words.”

Aloth coughs into his fist, cheeks pinking lightly. Trying to ignore Xoti’s knowing smirk, he looks about the tavern, half-heartedly seeking Rake out as an excuse to divert his gaze.

“RAKEY!” Iselmyr hollers at the top of his lungs.

Aloth immediately slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes widening in horror. Rake glances over, alarmed ears relaxing when he catches sight of them. Off to the right, Aloth swears he can see Edér laughing at him.

Aloth wants to tell Rake that no, please, he should not come over and should in fact stay exactly where he is, but he does not want to risk Iselmyr adding _her_ opinion unwarranted, and… he is already making his way over to them. Too late.

“Iselmyr!” Rake exclaims as he nears, albeit at a much less deafening volume than she had. He leans down to give Aloth a kiss on the cheek.

“Was that for me or her?” Aloth asks dryly. Rake grins, taking the remaining seat at the table.

“Why not both?” he says.

Aloth sighs good-naturedly, but cannot help his smile, and when Rake playfully elbows him, the tension gathered in his shoulders from his impromptu Iselmyr-wrangling loosens.

“Xoti was asking me,” he begins, spreading his hands, “How our relationship first… began. To change,” he adds awkwardly. He fights the urge to fidget with his fingers, instead clasping them loosely together.

Rake looks surprised. “Oh,” he says, glancing between the two of them.

“If… ya don’t me askin, of course,” Xoti ventures. She smiles hesitantly. Rake smiles back and she visibly relaxes, the energetic light returning to her gaze.

“Tae answer yer question, lassie, if neither o’ them wull,” Iselmyr interjects, unwelcome, “This’un’s bin wayerin’ his heart fer years. Richt sorry sight it wis.”

Aloth feels his face redden. “That—that’s not—come now,” he stammers. “That is… neither here nor there, and it certainly does not answer her question.”

Rake tilts his head. Then he begins to poke him teasingly. “Why are you embarrassed?” he asks. “Hm? Do you like-like me? Aloth? Hm?”

Aloth rolls his eyes while Xoti chortles at him. Alright; being embarrassed at this stage is a _little_ bit ridiculous, _perhaps_. He does not need to be… poked.

Aloth catches Rake’s offending hand in his, trapping it. It does a dramatic, feeble little wiggle before collapsing. Aloth smiles in amusement, charmed.

“See? What’s gotcha lookin’ like that, huh?” Xoti slants her head, pressing her fingertips to her dimpled smile. She gives a little sigh. “I want that… Do I have that?”

“That’s for you to know, Xoti.” Rake withdraws his hand. He turns to face her fully. “Really. Only you _can_ know, in the end.”

“Fye, ye or the voice ben yer head, lass.” Aloth’s expression shifts into something nearing seriousness. “Whiles ye kin be tae dense tae conne howfur yer feelin'.”

Aloth frowns. “I resent that,” he says. “But…” He drums his fingers on the table thoughtfully. “As much as I hate to say it, she has a point. My feelings for Rake never… changed, really. Never shifted into something of a different hue, never declared themselves in a startling moment of illumination.”

He scratches at the wood grain of the table, gazing at it pensively. Rake, he notices absently, is studying him, paying attention as carefully as Xoti is. Aloth continues, slower, “Everything was the same as it used to be between us years ago, except we were both older and wiser. And over time I… gradually realized the nature of things. The next step to take was simply acknowledgement.”

His ears redden slightly. “Granted, upon looking back, it seems Rake acknowledged it a lot sooner than I did. I just… didn’t realize.”

“I flirted with you for months,” Rake said. “Months. Wasted.”

“Yes, well.” Aloth clears his throat self-righteously. “You made similar remarks to Edér as well! How was I to know?”

“The Edér ones were clearly jokes!” Rake exclaims. His ears stick out to the sides, emoting along with him. “I have never admired that man sexually in my life! Well, maybe once or twice. But it was in a platonic sort of way.”

“How else is ‘I’d let _you_ captain my boat anytime’ supposed to be interpreted? What does that even mean?!”

“It was just a funny thing to say!” Rake throws up his hands, feigning melodrama. His ears swoop dramatically. “I don’t know! I hadn’t seen Edér in a while. I missed him and I also maybe didn’t want to be Captain, so I suppose it was also sort of… serious? He thought it was funny.”

Aloth stares at him. “What, honestly? This entire expedition could have been led by _Edér?”_

“Why do you always remember the stupidest things I say?” Rake whines.

“He remembers the stupidest things anyone says, Rake.” Xoti finally interrupts them, although she lays a sympathetic hand on Rake’s arm. Aloth huffs, rolling his eyes. Rake grins at him, however, and he feels a reluctant smile tug at his lips.

“And how ‘bout you, Watcher?”  Xoti squeezes his arm. “I mean, Aloth is certainly _pretty_ , but…”

She gives Aloth a dubious look, and holds his stare of disbelief for a full five seconds before bursting into giggles. Aloth groans as she slaps her leg, snorting to herself. It isn’t _that_ funny.

“ _Gawkin’!”_ she squeals.

“You’ve had a little bit to drink, huh?” Rake murmurs, glancing at her in a way that could be interpreted as fond. “That’s alright. I hope you’re enjoying yourself.”

He leans back in his chair, thoughtful. “Aloth back then was different, Xoti. Maybe you’d understand more if you’d known him.”

He pauses. Aloth feels a sudden, ice-cold sting of panic—he was… _different_? Different how? Did Rake—

Rake touches his cheek. “Relax,” he says softly. “I wouldn’t do that.”

_Aye. Na need tae hoppit tae conclusions like a bunny rabbit, lad._

Rake plucks at the moss on his hands in an uncharacteristic show of uncertainty. “Maybe I’m going at this the wrong way. Well… Aloth said there wasn’t a single definable moment for him, but for me there was. It was right after…”

He hesitates. Gives Aloth a searching look, then speaks to Xoti’s lantern, resting on the table. The noises of the tavern almost seem to die down around them, as if the very building itself is holding its breath in anticipation.

“Right after Aloth had told us something important. It could have put him in danger, but he took a risk and decided to tell us anyways. We were… traveling. I had a lot on my mind after that, wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I tripped, fell off a cliff—”

He looks at Aloth. “Aloth reached down and caught me,” he says. “Without hesitation. Dislocated his shoulder, actually.”

He chuckles to himself lightly, glancing back down. “I’ve never had someone trust me like that,” he says very softly. “And definitely not someone in his situation. It… made me think.”

Apparently finished speaking, he goes quiet, staring at the odd flicker of Xoti’s lantern. Aloth finds he has to clear his throat to speak; an awkward noise he could do without making.

“You never told me this,” he says, matching Rake's tone. He remembers the incident, of course. Maybe not as clearly as Rake does, but he _does_ remember. He touches his shoulder, and Rake glances up. Their eyes meet.

“Aww, that’s real sweet,” Xoti croons, breaking the moment. “And I dunno; feels like same ol’ Aloth to me.”

She winks at Aloth. Rake gives a little laugh, straightening his posture.

“He is,” he says, eyes fond. “In all the ways that matter, he is.”

He smiles. “I’m glad I realized that,” he adds, almost as an afterthought.

A warm moment passes. Aloth feels his ears heat and coughs, breaking eye contact. It is still—well— _Xoti_ is still here, is she not? He, ah…

“I need a drink,” he mutters, tugging on his sleeve.

“Yes, I think you do.” Rake sounds like he is still smiling. “Xoti, get us something before you go back to Maia? Nothing too strong, please.”

And of course he _knows_ that Aloth doesn’t like getting drunk. Aloth stops himself from saying something stupid—it is yet too early for that—and instead chooses to scoot his chair closer to Rake's as soon as Xoti leaves.

Rake leans against him. Aloth’s mouth opens, and “Gie th’ lad a smoochie tae shut his mind up,” comes out.

Rake laughs even as Aloth sighs. But he finds, when Rake tips a finger under his chin, that he has no qualms against complying.

~*~


End file.
